I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
