Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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