Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
