So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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