he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
