he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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