I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
