I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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