so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
