The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
