Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
