Just cropdusted the office
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
