In America we eat man semen.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
