I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
