If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
