I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
