Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
