I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
