HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
