She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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