i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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