I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
