i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
