a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
