Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
