a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
