I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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