Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Blood and glitter go together right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
