Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
