JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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