someone threw a dead crab at me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
