Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
