VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
