don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
