Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
