Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
