First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
