afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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