belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
