I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
