this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
