I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
