no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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