He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
