I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
