I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
