"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
