Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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