i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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