I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
