my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
