I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
