best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
